Take the f..fuckin motorway.

Rob likes maps. Pipe likes mapquest. Cat likes to ask for directions. And now Johnny has a GPS thing. So we can generally find whatever we need to find, if we can decide on which navigational method to use for each situation. The GPS device was cool at first, then it got kind of annoying, always telling us to do this and that... then we found an Ozzy Osbourne voice for it and it got cool again. Of course, what we really wanted was a Mr T voice, but no such luck.

Anyway.. we finally got our asses out of Vegas, thank god, and made it to the San Diego Beauty Bar in plenty of time to stand around with the other bands and try to decide what order we would play in. Finally it was decided that the Frantic Romantic would play first, then the Fascination, and the May Fire would headline. This seemed to make sense, given that we had got a great writeup in the San Diego Reader that week, and it was a Saturday, and the sets would be early anyway cause they have to stop the live music at 11:30. The other bands were actually really good, but they played a little long (despite the Fascination's singer having been recently punched in the throat -- again with the singers!) and the club didn't enforce their set times, and we ended up taking the stage at 11:25. At least the club was nice enough to let us play more than five minutes, and we got a good 20 minutes in before they made us stop.

Whatever, everyone was awful nice, and the music was good, so cool.

And at last, it was time for our first trip to Tucson. Crap, that's a lot of driving, but it was pretty flippin' sweet when we got there. The Congress Hotel is a lacvish historic hotel with restaurant, bar, and venue. The crowd was good, the sound guy was friendly and on top of it, and the other bands, The Solace Brothers and Shark Pants, were splendid. There was a questionable moment during our set when the singer from Shark Pants started getting inappropriately intimate with our big stuffed white tiger on the front of the stage, and he had a hard time explaining himself in front of everybody when Cat interrogated him on the mic (Let that be a warning to you all!) But overall the Tucson leg of the trip was a grand success, and we actually almost made enough to break even for that part.

Here's a little math: Gas is around $3.60/gallon right now, and our van is getting about 14mpg. That means we're getting about four miles to the dollar. It also means that it costs us about $17/hour to cruise down the highway (or, as Ozzy puts it, the f..fuckin motorway). That adds up! Basically we are in the business of converting gasoline into entertainment. Rough business so far, and not so profitable... probably a lot of people would just rather skip the entertainment and keep the gasoline. Times are tough, man.

But we say screw that! You'll get entertainment dammit, not gasoline. It's better for your health. Besides, the traveling leads to funny things, like the hostess of the hotel restaurant recognizing Rob's homemade Kap the Shampoo t-shirt, of which less than 10 even exist, and she turns out to be the ex-girlfriend of his old high school buddy from Connecticut. Whoa! How many of these people do we interact with every day, not even realizing how we might be connected? If everyone made their own art and t-shirts, maybe we wouldn't need social networking websites.

On the drive back to L.A. is when things started to get a little silly. The late drunken nights start to pile up, and our only iPod bit the dust so we had to buy random cds from roadside stops. You know, Kiss, Black Sabbath, Chuck Berry, Toto... once we started playing "Rosanna" and "Africa" over and over to decide which was better, it seemed as though we might not be able to function in normal society again.

We had already acquired that fuzzy gloss that makes everyone ask "are you guys a band?" And now the fuzz was entering our brains as well. By the time we arrived at Evocal in Costa Mesa (near L.A.) we were crazed and hungry and unable to say more than three sentences without interjecting "take the ff..fuckin motorway!" or "You have reached your f...f...fucking destination!" Nothing to do at a time like that but start drinking. Again. It was a short show in a tiny place, but somehow it was pretty fun. It's usually the most fun when you just don't give a damn anymore.

Later that night, with our exceedingly hospitable Anaheim friends that put us up, there was much discussion of cheese, for some reason. And we learned that Johnny our new guitar player is a dog whisperer. He had their wacky adorable dog under his thumb.. they were kind of amazed to see him curl up at Johnny's feet and gaze up at him in stone silence! Apparently it just has to do with establishing who the boss is. Which naturally shifted the conversation to Bruce Springsteen. From there it got reeeally foggy, until the next morning when our fabulous hosts cooked us steak and eggs! Ah, it's the good life.